Waking up

This week the smoke has been blocking out the sun, and I’ve felt a kind of dulling, confining of my own curiosity and joy. As the smoke smothers the earth, I’ve felt a kind of spiritual smothering. I’ve felt enclosed in my own emotions, reinforced by the negative emotions around me.
It has been hard to maintain energy for my work because, in hospital chaplaincy, there is always plenty sadness and grief and despair to go around. It has been an especially sad week. I had four deaths in a 3 hour period to start my work week, and the stories of tragedy and more deaths have piled on since. I love being able to be there for people in those sacred times — but no matter what an honor it is, the grief does add up when there is so much at once. And when the fog of smoke is thick from ground to sky…. Finally, I found myself with tears streaming down my face yesterday as I watched a Zoom meeting, wishing my friend and mentor who died last year was still here so we could pass goofy notes during boring speeches like we would have been doing if he were alive. You know the grief is adding up when you’re crying at a zoom meeting.
This morning, I yearn to remember what is beyond those oppressive clouds of smoke and sadness, and breathe deeply of the expanse. So I imagine the sky at my favorite spot in eastern Washington. I imagine breathing in that dry, clean air, looking straight into the sky so the 3-D stars fill my vision and I feel like I could dive into a pool of them. I breathe deeply again, and again.

Back here on earth, I find myself holding a soft, purring kitten and having my coffee, and I’m able to savor that feeling and that taste more freely. Just a few moments remembering what is beyond my perceived reality helps put me back in balance. The memory of the night sky grounds me this morning.

May the memory of the awe of the expanse, and the reality beyond whatever distortion may shield your heart from it this morning, bless your day and your week to come. 🌌🙏